One month five day thoughts 

It’s been 1 month 5 days since I delivered my little Jessie. Time is flying by and I have had a spectrum of emotions. Everyday is different and I never know how I will feel. One thing that has changed in the last few days is coming to terms with the realisation that Jessie is irreplaceable. I know that sounds like common sense but the minute we found out Jessie had passed I wanted another baby like now! I didn’t want to replace her but it was my way of dealing with the shock and pain that I was feeling. I thought if I could get pregnant immediately then I could forget and somehow the excruciating agony would lessen. I have thought that ever since, however just these last few days I have suddenly realised that even if I have another 10 children that they could never replace her, thy could never be like her. That thought has kind of plunged me a new level of sadness. We definitely will try to have another baby…… or two lol but maybe we will wait a few months??? Who knows? All I know is that God is very faithful. He is closer than I think I’ve ever felt him and it’s incrediable. He comforts those who mourn and he is comforting me right now. He collects my tears in his bottle, he must have several bottles or one very large bottle as there have been a lot of tears. Not an hour goes by when I don’t think of her. There’s not an hour that goes by when I’m not thought of by God. Xx

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